Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
