Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
