so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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