I wish life had little blips of pornography
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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