And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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