Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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