i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
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you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
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I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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