I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
