I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
