you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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