kristin has been a bad kristin
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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