Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
