I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
