He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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