Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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