We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
