i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
