Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
