i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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