At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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