I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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