theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
