her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
me + whiskey = a bad person
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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