if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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