saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
