Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
