so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
