Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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