I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
