I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
