I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
