I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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