I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
