I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
