My ATM looks so different sober.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
