somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
