Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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