I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
