Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
