yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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