apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear