I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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