Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
