Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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