Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
