Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
