i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
