it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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