shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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