OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
