I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
