Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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