i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
