tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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