I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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