I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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