Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
My liver just had a heart attack.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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