do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
