I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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