I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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