I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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