The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You're earring is so big in my mouth
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
