That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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