Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
