I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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