So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
