the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
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i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
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Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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