So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
