peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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