She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
